and now for something completely different

 

A big thank you (I think) to Lily for tagging me yesterday with the "Just Us Guys" (J.U.G.S.) award. I do find the timing somewhat ironic, since just yesterday morning, she and I were extolling the virtues of patent leather pumps as an effortless way of glamming up an outfit. Now, as I understand it, Lily was not given any rules for demonstrating why she's worthy of being considered one of the guys, so she decided to create some. Although she's more likely to sing the praises of a good lager than I am, I realized after sleeping on things for a night that I could, in fact, come up with the Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Just One of the Guys.

1. I can recognize a car's make, model, and year more quickly than your average parking authority agent. I'm not sure how I acquired this skill; maybe because my dad and brother always had Chilton manuals and JC Whitney catalogs sitting around the house, and our cars were always in various states of working order. I also have a good eye for detail, so I can familiarize myself with a minor change to a grill or silhouette and associate the change with a model year. Did I ever mention that my brain is full of worthless information while I can barely remember to leave the house with a lunch packed for myself? 

2. I once helped to replace a residential sewage system. Seriously. My dad always insisted on doing everything himself, even if he was getting in over his head. And even if it was going to take 18 times longer than a team of professionals. Consequently, I remember spending one summer back in the early 80s helping him dig up our entire backyard to lay pipe. I can't even begin to count how many trips we made to our local hardware store (before Home Depot or Lowes existed) and shoveled gravel into trash cans to haul back to our yard. And did I mention there were a lot of frogs and snakes that were irritated that we were infringing on their ecosystem?

3. I watch hockey games in their entirety because I understand what's going on, not because I think guys with mullets are hot. And you know what? The "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out" joke is pretty lame.

4. I like Pearl Jam even though I don't think Eddie Vedder is hot. I was late on the PJ bandwagon (my husband took me to see them for the first time in 1998), but I'm a convert. Try as hard as I can though, I still think Eddie's look is a little too grungy for me to find sexy though.

5. I know the difference between an excavator and a backhoe loader. For that I can thank my son and The Construction Alphabet.

6. I can drive with my windows all the way down without worrying about my hair getting messed up. I do like air conditioning, but I love those days in the spring and fall where I can crank down the windows, crank up the stereo, and let the wind blow.

7. I bite my nails. A lot. I know it's disgusting, I know I should stop, but I could have worse vices.

8. I love power tools <grunt>. I grew up with an older brother who went on to be an industrial arts and technology (read: shop) teacher, so our garage was loaded with band saws, lathes, and power sanders. Buying my first power drill kit was very, well, empowering.

9. I'm not afraid of spiders. To quote my mom, "They eat other bugs that are a lot worse, you know."

10. I will eat the whole cupcake. Now, I will preface my remarks by saying that I understand the importance of adhering to a healthy diet. I've had food issues my whole life and am trying to prevent my son from enduring the same. I understand the concept of "everything in moderation." BUT, I still find myself getting irked by people (let's face it, it's usually women) who make a show of cutting a cupcake in half at a birthday celebration because they're counting calories. It's one thing to cut it in half if you discover there aren't enough to go around or you really want seconds but don't want to look like a glutton, but you can't even attempt to take a whole cupcake on the first round? And then you leave the crumbly remnants of the other half behind in the wrapper as a cruel taunt? "See, I'm being 'good' today. You can be 'good' too and eat the cut half that's been touched by someone else's fingers of questionable cleanliness; be 'good' but appear as if you're too good to eat something that someone else touched and go ahead with cutting another one in half; or be 'bad' and take a brand new, uncut treat." Nope, I want the whole thing, and I'm not ashamed.

Thanks, Lily. Guess I'm more of a guy than I realized! Now, since I'm still relatively new to this blogging thing, I don't want to take the risk of passing along this award to someone known by others to be a girly girl. Instead, I'm going to tag my dear friend Maria, who has a brand-spankin'-new blog and I know can hold her own in a discussion of the Phillies' chances of repeating as World Champs. Check her out!

Comments

[Lillian Simmons]

I love a good Montey Python reference!

[Amber]

I also bite my nails a lot. I can't stop. I've tried but it doesn't work..

[mommy2jake (maria)]

I stopped and #1 and just had to comment that when I was right out of school, Chilton was always adveritising for editorial work in the Inquirer. But even though I lived close to them, I never applied just out of fear that they would give me car manuals to edit.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to remember job hunting nightmares of 1993.

[mommy2jake (maria)]

OK, now that I finished - I'm really impressed. I'm not sure if I can get to 10, but I'll give it a shot. It sounds much more enjoyable than the freelance editing project that's looming on my to-do list.

PS. Thanks for the shout-out to my blog!

[Cara]

I am seriously impressed by your tool/car/handy skills! I used to fancy I could identify a car by its headlights. WAY back in the 80s. But not anymore.

Cutting a cupcake in half is just plain bonkers.